Dr. Karyn Gordon, author of “The Three Chairs,” discusses the 5 Emotional Intelligent Skills great leaders need to drive communication, performance, and engagement.
Imagine three chairs in a row. Each Chair represents an attitude. We transfer between the chairs and various points in our day, lives, and careers.
The Chair on the left is Blind Attitude the person sitting in this Chair feels and acts inferior to others. They often have low self-confidence and are highly critical of themselves.
We all have had times when self-confidence is low. We have judged ourselves harshly. This is when we don’t think we measure up to others. The lie we tell ourselves is that we compare ourselves to others, and I guarantee that others do not judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves.
The Chair on the right is a Disguised Attitude, and this person acts superior to others. They are arrogant and cut people off when they speak. They can be condescending and are not open to others’ ideas or feedback. This person usually suffers from enormous insecurity and is masking it with fake confidence.
We have all known someone that is arrogant; they are cocky and think they know it all. For example, when I was training a new hire, I recall them not listening to the instructions. Instead, they were cocky and kept clicking their mouse ahead of the directions. I remember I said to him,
“This is a stick-up! Hands of the mouse!”
The Middle chair is Confident attitude treats everyone as equals. They have a positive mindset. They know they are not perfect, but they strive for excellence. They lift others. Great leaders have emotional intelligence Skills. Just remember the word C.A.R.D.S. Communication, Attitude, Relationship, Decision Making, Stress management
C = Communication Skills
- Leaders need two-way solid communication skills. They need to listen as well or better than they speak.
- Active listening is a skill that needs to be practiced every day. Put the phone face down. Give the speaker your undivided attention. Ask questions back for clarification.
A = Attitude and Goal-Setting Skills
- A good leader has a good attitude and is goal setters. They set measurable goals, are confident, aware of their own strengths, and recognize their weakness.
- A confident person acknowledges that they don’t know everything. They ask for help and are open to feedback. A good leader takes ownership of mistakes and is willing to work on their own growth. The difference between a confident leader and an arrogant leader is Humility!
R = Relationship Skills
- A good leader works hard to understand others. They understand that everyone is different. We have different experiences and interpret the world differently. Having good relationship skills means the leader accepts the differences and helps lift others.
D = Decision-Making, Time Management, and Self-Discipline Skills
- Good leaders have a well-developed ability to set priorities. They manage their time efficiently make decisions according to their values.
S = Stress, Anxiety, and Emotion Management Skills
- Great leaders manage their emotions rather than letting their emotions manage them.
Great leadership starts with self – before you can lead someone else, you need to master these five leadership emotional intelligence skills. After that, you can make excuses, or you can make progress. You Choose.
Contributed by Cheryl Viola, Executive Director, MBA